POLTERGEIST (2015) review
Many years ago, I heard a rumor that Piano-Man/Darth-Vader from-Return-of-the-Jedi-being-unmasked impersonator Billy Joel was caught having a tryst with a very young woman. This was not surprising, as Joel’s loyalty to marriage vows is similar to my loyalty to brand name dishwater detergents. What was surprising is that the report said the girl was a dead ringer for his then-wife, super-model Christie Brinkley. I was left wondering, what does that say about a person that he’s willing to destroy his marriage by banging a younger doppelganger of his own wife? A wife that’s still stunningly gorgeous, helped you discover a little more about the world, and bolstered your own creative muse?
Thus brings me to the remake of Poltergeist. Like Joel’s clone-inspired affair, there’s no reason why it should have happened. We still have a perfectly great version of it at home already. Sure, the idea may seem initially compelling — who will they cast? who will direct? I bet the special effects will be new and amazing! — but what you’re left with is something kind of hollow and meaningless. The one on your DVD shelf is still in top form. Great cast, beautiful score, funny — and I’ll be damned if the special effects aren’t still mind-blowing.
The new one has some good moments. There’s a new wrinkle with the son character that’s dealt with quite well (even made me feel bitter-sweet for a moment). Jarred Harris, Sam Rockwell, and Rosemarie DeWitt are always good, and there’s some nice updated commentary on screen-time being the conduit for these ethereal horrors. But it also feels they forgot to put in the climax of the movie (like the editor accidentally deleted the footage) where the spirits are actually dispatched.
But as good as some of its moments are, it just kind of left me indifferent and pining for 1982. I guess I’ll make it up to the original by buying it in Blu Ray.
*Post-Script: Billy Joel (66) recently got hitched to Alexis Roderick (33). This is his fourth marriage, which shows that not even Spider-Man reboots can keep up with Joel marriages.
