50 GREATEST FICTIONAL BADASSES

#7 – THE GODDAMNED BATMAN from Batman: The Dark Knight Returns.

Was there any doubt Batman would not make this list? Jesus, when I write a grocery list for Costco it has Batman on it. 

There have been many a Batman through the ages, some more deserving of mention than others (yes, the Super Friends version does rank better than George Clooney; it’s just simple math, people). Of them, the most bad-ass of all is Frank Miller’s incarnation for his mid-‘80s graphic novel, Dark Knight Returns. 

In the tale, Bruce Wayne is 55 (which doesn’t seem that old anymore), retired from crime-fighting, and crawls into a bottle of Glenfiddich each night. The city he once guarded over is a muggy cemetery of towers and concrete, hell-bent on its own self-destruction. Self-destruction, you find out very quickly, is the key word to everything in this saga. 

Bruce Wayne, either suffering psychological delusions or truly touched by some supernatural totem, comes out of retirement to commit the most agonizing form of suicide possible. He wants to die in combat, on the streets where he was born, in one last pitched battle against his enemies. 

This Batman was brutal. The desire to protect civilians took a back seat to fulfill a twisted personal obsession. The puns were replaced with a grim, self-aware voice over. The Batmobile turned into a tank — something so monstrous, it still makes Nolan’s Tumbler look like a Honda Accord. 

This Batman was arrogant, unapologetic and unswerving. He had neither a master nor held an equal –politicians, the police, the government and even former colleagues were in his contempt. The answer to the age-old question “who would win in a fight, The Man of Steel or The Dark Knight” was answered in these pages, with the answer never in question: of course it’s Batman. It’s always Batman.

The legacy of The Dark Knight Returns speaks for itself. Without it, there would be no Tim Burton’s Batman, no Batman: The Animated Series, no Chris Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy. It, along with Alan Moore’s Watchmen, reinvigorated a somewhat dull and dying super-hero genre. Most importantly, it made Batman cool again, and the topic of 85% of my conversations. 

Including my wedding vows. True story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0mHUlxWq7g

“It was tough work, carrying 220 pounds of sociopath to the top of Gotham Towers — the highest spot in the city. The scream alone is worth it.”