50 GREATEST FICTIONAL BADASSES

#6 – S.D. BOB “SNAKE” PLISSKEN from the Escape From series.

No one can pull off a mullet like Kurt Russell. Trust me, I went to high school in Trail, BC, where even the girls had them, so I’m sort of an involuntary expert on this.

There are many, many reasons why I LOVE the Escape From series (and yes, that includes his adventure in Los Angeles; get over it). The main reason, of course, is Plissken’s temperament. He’s quite the charmer: a cynical, hard-done-by asshole who has the instinctive ability to navigate through any death-trap, like a human cockroach that refuses to be exterminated. It makes it that much more impressive he’s doing it with no depth perception. Good God, imagine if he had both eyes..!

But I also love the complete absurdity of John Carpenter’s creation. The balls on this guy. Who else — and really when else other than the late ‘70s/early ‘80s — could you pitch such a ludicrous concept? And get funding for it? 

Let me break this down for you: the Federal Government is going to turn Manhattan Island — one of the WEALTHIEST CITIES IN THE WORLD — into a penal colony(!) The American president (now with a British accent) gets trapped inside of it. More importantly, he has a cassette tape that contains some kind of information that will prevent a nuclear holocaust from happening. No one knows what it says, no one knows how to get another copy of it. All we know is if Russia and China don’t hear this thing in 24 hours, we’ll be glowing in the dark. So, the police commissioner thinks it over and believes the best plan of attack is to send in a convicted, sociopathic criminal — a guy he’s had problems with in the past — to retrieve both the president and the tape.

Jesus! I know guys who take this as gospel, but yet get their panties in a twist because Bruce Wayne found his way back to Gotham in time to bitch-slap Bane around in Dark Knight Rises before the nuke went off.

I guess that’s the beauty of nostalgia. It allows you comfort and fealty; it allows you to bypass the ridiculous and absurd — mullet and all.

“Sad story. You got a smoke?“